Funday 8/1/10

Posted in Uncategorized on August 5, 2010 by suzuceilingeyes

I woke up, the sun was shining, birds were singing, the homeless alcoholic that lives on my block was babbling, I knew it was going to be a great day. It was Funday.

I spend the entire day getting ready. I try on everything I own, only to shriek “I HATE EVERYTHING I OWN” after each outfit change, I apply and reapply make-up, and eventually pull out all my hair. Just kidding, right? That would be too real. No, I rolled up in a vintage Sea World tee (IN HONOR OF SHARK WEEK), and jorts. Clearly that took me 6 minutes. If that.

I said hellos to Gabi and Jonny (who asked about this henna teardrop tattoo I got the day before to show solidarity with Lil Wayne), and made my way inside.

The dude spinning records before Sinatra was on point, too, but I didn’t see who it was. I did see who it was NOT, though. Young Jesse Marco. Where the hell has he been? Presumably globetrotting, per usual. Sinatra walked in a few minutes after me and got on the decks, airhorns ablaze. You guys ever think that if we were in medieval times and Sinatra was a king (I would be a jester), they would announce his arrival, not by trumpet fanfare, but with airhorns? BEW BEW BEWWWWW

Recently, I watched the teen movie “She’s All That”, in 10 parts on youtube that someone generously uploaded for broke-ass bitches with no Netflix like myself. I promise there’s a point to this. Anyway, remember when they’re all at prom and Usher (LOL) is DJing prom and they all do this choreographed stupid looking dance to that one song? I’ve taken the liberty of embedding a clip below. It was either Sinatra or the guy who was spinning before, but someone dropped that tune and since I just saw the movie and I’m a fucking loser, I tried to imitate the dance. I was knocking drinks all over the place, but I didn’t care because it was 1999 and I voted for Laney Boggs to be prom queen.

The next day, I woke up, the sun was shining, birds were singing, the homeless alcoholic that lives on my block was babbling, I knew it was going to be a long week. 6 days until Funday.

Funday ft. Marshall Barnes & DJ Spider

Posted in Uncategorized on April 26, 2010 by suzuceilingeyes

Despite the rain, GoldBar was jumping, and early, last night. I came through in a sweatshirt, and that was probably the smartest, most comfortable outfit choice I’ve ever made. I might have to do that more often.

I stayed in the booth the whole time and reintroduced myself to DJ Spider, who I met last week when I was in LA at this gully ass club off Melrose that was home to one of the illest parties I’ve been to. He remembered me as the girl who “worships” Rihanna, to which I’d like to extend a large middle finger to DJ Morse Code for being the one to tell him that, making me sound like a teenybopper. (For the record, I don’t “worship” her, I respect her a lot as an artist, style icon, and I would like to mentor her and steer her away from Chris Brown types in the future. I think I would be a great influence on her. RiRi, call me!) We actually got to talk a bit and I had enormous respect for DJ Spider when he didn’t walk away after I told him my voice was hoarse because I sucked “mad cock”. I actually lost my voice at Coachella and it’s just starting to come back so I’m not only entirely uncouth, I’m a liar. Anyway, I really should work on developing a filter. I’m 23 years old, it’s completely inappropriate to be telling strangers that my voice sounds the way it does because I’ve been performing fellatio at high rates. I’ve literally cleared out rooms for obnoxiously demanding in a drunken state that we all get tramp stamp tattoos of the Monopoly man, so it was pretty surprising to see DJ Spider stick around and laugh it off.

Marshall Barnes took to the wheels and started off early in his set with “Rude Boy” which only proved to be a good indicator of things to come. As I got more and more intoxicated (shout to DJ Sinatra for the BRAND NEW GLASS OF PATRON HE DONATED TO ME), the music got better and better and eventually my hands went UP…….

………….and they stayed there.

I actually left a few minutes after Spider got on because literally everyone in the booth was ferociously making out with someone like we were in high school and our parents were out of town and we had access to the liquor cabinet and we filled up the vodka bottles with water like we thought they wouldn’t notice. I mean I was feeling mad uncomfortable and horny, but I’m not one for PDA of that degree (ass groping and sitting on a dude’s lap degree), so I navigated my way out of the booth, took mental pictures for my spank bank, and now I think I know what certain people look like when they’re “doing it” which is hilarious to me.

Funday ft. Mick Boogie

Posted in Uncategorized on March 15, 2010 by suzuceilingeyes

Holy shit, you guys! Last night at Funday, DJ Mick Boogie was the guest and he sure did the impossible. He managed to make me, uh…boogie with little to no alcohol. I’m the best party guest in the sense that with me, you just need to add alcohol and I’m good to go. I’m usually a happy drunk (though sometimes I do wanna punch bitches in they grill if they ackin stewpid), and therefore I don’t really find a lot of DJs “shit DJs”. Maybe that’s how so many shit DJs stay in business. Wait. That IS how a lot of shit DJs stay in business. Everyone’s too drunk to care or have a valid opinion! REVELATION-STATUS!!!

I actually dread the day a DJ I’m NOT a fan of comes to guest at Funday because I don’t know if I’m allowed to blast them on this blog that isn’t mine and I don’t want to be blacklisted from any place via stepping on the wrong people’s toes. That sounds a lot more sell-out-y than I’d like it to, but suffice to say, today is not that day.

I’ve been itching to write this blog entry since I got home last night, but thank jebus I waited because while not entirely shitfaced per usual, I wasn’t in the most sober mindset and it was probably best for my reputation if I went to bed instead of blogging my inappropriate sexual fantasies or something. That’s what Cragislist is for.

ANYWAY! Mick Boogie. Wow. I was near-sober and still dancing to every single track the dude dropped. Most memorable for me was “Little Bit” by Lykke Li into “Walking on a Dream”. I’ve been feeling “Little Bit” since I first heard of Lykke Li about a year ago but the remix that Mr. Boogie played was pretty, and excuse my use of this played out phrase, next level. He also played some Pharcyde– they’re a group I thought was pretty much my jam and my jam alone, but that’s just a peek at my self-important thinking. I was very happy to hear them someplace other than my iPod.

One of the highlights of the night for me was approaching someone I thought was DJ Price to say hello, and the guy wasn’t him. Feeling retarded and worried that people were watching (again with the self-important thinking), I told the guy to pretend he knew me and then made him go through a series of high fives, a fake hug, and a made-up-on-the-spot secret handshake. I’m a fool.

Sinatra came on at 2, which my body thought was still 1 (daylight savings? More like GAYlight savings time, am I right?) to wreck shop and remind me further that enjoying a DJ is still possible while literally sober (ayo/pause? Is “enjoying” a gay word? I don’t fucking know.) As an aside, is it just me being a dictionary nazi nerd or do you guys hate when people say “literally” for emphasis when they don’t mean literally at all?

This deserves mention, though. Sinatra played an unlikely trilogy of songs, “Imma be” by Black Eyed Peas into “We be Clubbin” by Ice Cube into “In Da Club” by Fiddy. My head LITERALLY…did not explode, but I was wilding.

Sinatra must have been afraid of the new grading system I’m putting in place in this blog called “Pleasing Suzu by Playing Rihanna” because he played 3 whole Rihanna jams (Hard, Rude Boy, and Whatever You Like, which is T.I. but, you know, extra credit). I would have to give him a B. He lost a letter grade when “Rude Boy” came on, I got off the cushy couch at Beni’s table to dance with Ben/B-Roc and Sinatch had the nerve to change the song. B-Roc, a person whose musical taste I know nothing about but I know loves the song “Rude Boy” as much as I do so that must mean he has good taste, and I were quite saddened. You better make this up to me.

In concloosh, it was another Funday for the books which started with me super sober-status dancing with Sinatra’s shorty (who is actually quite tall), Vanessa in the booth and ended with me tipsy dialing my best friend Taylor and sleeping alone after browsing Cragislist for dudes who get off on girls clipping clothespins on their balls. I’ve said too much.

Funday ft. DJ Morse Code

Posted in Uncategorized on March 13, 2010 by suzuceilingeyes

I think I know I lack any kind of real skill as a writer because I find it hard to come up with new ways to say that DJ So-and-so “killed it” every week at GoldBar. This is why I’ve waited almost a week to write about when Nat Morse Code came to town and did the damn thing. I was searching for synonyms but alas, I have writer’s block.

I have nothing but good reviews for pretty much every time I’ve seen Nat DJ. I met him in 2008 on one of his trips to NYC and usually see him whenever he’s in town from LA, which seems like every other week. Like, motherfucker should probably just move here. He is technically skilled in the way that you can “learn” DJing and its fundamentals, but he also has the innate ability to know exactly what to play at exactly the right time to really make the room move. It’s uncanny how frequently he’ll drop a song and I’ll be like “OH DAMN!! I wanted to hear that!” He also has one of the most vast and eclectic music libraries I’ve been privy enough to drop it like its hot to. He did not play any Rihanna so he gets a big F in the “pleasing Suzu by playing Rihanna”-department.

But, true to form, I have no real examples of shit he played or things that went down because I saturated my liver with alcohol and have little to no memory of the night. I will tell you all a story, though. Last year, I went to Coachella so I spent a few days in LA beforehand. It was my friend’s birthday and he was celebrating at Crown Bar in West Hollywood. I roll up and Nat was DJing. I was convinced it was a sign from God (I blame everything on God. God wants me to get drunk tonight so he made it payday so I can buy alcohol. God wants me to get drunk tonight so he blessed me with friends who have similar alcohol dependency issues. God wants me to get drunk tonight so he made me prettier than every one else in the room so Persian men can buy me drinks.) that I get really wasted because, HELLO! Coincidence much?

Anyway, everything else I know secondhand because I blacked out with the quickness, but I’m told Nat, Joey, and I went to a restaurant, I looked for the bathroom and wound up in the kitchen and became violently irate when I was told that it was not, in fact, the bathroom after I began to pee on the grill (JUST KIDDING!), but I guess the staff dragged me into the bathroom where they left me to presumably die, and after being MIA for awhile, Nat went to look for me and had to carry me out of the bathroom where I was lying on the floor trying to “go towards the light”.

Anyway! The reason all of this is so fresh in my memory is because the kid WILL NOT let me live it down. It’s like you know, when you and your best friend from the baseball team are both regularly molested by your priest, it’s all you ever wanna talk about? It was like the world’s best bonding experience for the two of us. I got inappropriately shitfaced and he had to deal with me. Good times, good times.

But back to the purpose of the blog. I had fun and I will do my best to collect actual statistics and data regarding how many hands were waving in the air like they just didn’t care and to which song said hand-waving went along to.

I guess it’s just God’s way of saying I need to go to GoldBar tomorrow and try harder.

Funday ft. DJ Politik

Posted in Uncategorized on March 1, 2010 by suzuceilingeyes

Well this blog situation hasn’t been updated in a minute. I’m gonna just assume that since I was at GoldBar last night, Sinatra would like me to discuss my experience like I am supposed to. I’ll make it snappy.

Last night’s guest DJ was Politik, and I have to confess I don’t actually remember if he killed it or not because I spent the whole time being like “isn’t that Reese from ‘Malcolm in the Middle’?” (This is not supposed to be offensive, I actually think Reese is pretty cute). But I didn’t hear any complaints and people were dancing so I’m gonna just assume he, uh, “murked it” (is that what the kids are saying these days?).

Sinatra was nice enough to pour Patron down my throat the second I walked in, but thanks to my handlers, Camden and Taylor to the rescue with unlimited water, I was able to actually remain coherent and stable the whole night…for a fucking change. Jesse played some remix of “Pon Di Floor” which always makes me lose it and dance forever because I am a wannabe hipster and I still think it’s last year. I left at 4, but the party was still very much going.

It’s great to see that though many other NYC clubs have tried their hand at a Sunday party, GoldBar is still the place to be and it pops off consistently. I can’t go out the way I did in 2008 when I was heartbroken about a dude and drinking nightly to cope, but even now that I’m old and tired, this is the one party I come out to. I suspect when I am a 50 year old wearing an age-inappropriate halter top that shows the scars from my c-section, I will still be out on Sundays with the beautiful crowd of GoldBar. I’m just trying to say this is a good party that I think will last, alright? You get it. You should come down and see for yourself.

And now I have to go pay rent and pretend I am an adult who didn’t drink like a teenager last night.

Jonny Lennon’s Funday Birthday

Posted in Uncategorized on December 28, 2009 by suzuceilingeyes

Last night, the GoldBar crowd had some celebrating to do. It was doorman, Jonny Lennon’s, birthday party, and though I didn’t see him passed out in a corner with a dick drawn on his face halfway into the night, I assume he had fun and got sufficiently wasted.

Jonny is one of the best doormen in the business. He is also an overall nice guy. I’ve been to my fair share of clubs in NYC and there are few doormen who show me, an average chick, the kind of courtesy and warmness Jonny shows me weekly. Most doormen let me in while sighing and wishing I was 6 inches taller and 30 pounds lighter. Does wonders for the self esteem. Not so with Mr. Lennon. No matter how busy the rope is on a Sunday night (and usually it is a zoo), Jonny greets me with a kiss on the cheek and sometimes a joke about how wasted I got last time/how wasted I will get this time. Nice to know that everyone thinks I am an alcoholic mess. Pretty accurate assessment, though.

GoldBar isn’t a huge venue, but week after week, Jonny is able to fill it with an eclectic crowd. He knows the regulars, lets in a few suits and models, hipsters and skaters. Douchebags need not apply. Actually, there are a few douchebags that somehow sneak in, though I assume Jonny does this solely for my benefit because babygirl can’t be paying for her own drinks, not in this economy. I bet the terms of said douchebag’s entrance are that he must seek out the brunette with bangs and ceiling eyes and purchase her a cocktail. I’ve swindled many a drink out of a many a douchebag in my time. I make my mom proud.

DJ Sinatra was spinning when I got in and after a bear hug from Jonny, I gave my seasons greetings to Sabrina and complimented her on her hair flair then staked out a spot near Sami on the couch under the disco ball. Good thing, too, because once DJ Cassidy pulled up, the room got ten kinds of packed. He played song after song and I found myself saying more than once “OHHHH!! This is my JAMMM!” Now, I’m sure you all think I’m just a wholesome little girl, but I can tell you that one of my “JAMS” from last night was “Ain’t No Fun” by Snoop Dogg. Yes. This innocent little girl considers a song with the lyrics “You gave me all your pussy/And you even licked my balls”, to be one of her jams. Hope that doesn’t change how you guys “see me”. Like I care.

A cake was brought out for the man of the hour to the Chuck-E-Cheese birthday song as a soundtrack. I’m sure it’s from somewhere cooler, but since I am not, I know it as the Chuck-E-Cheese song. A barback brought out 6 beers after we had long since finished the bottle of vodka, and I honest-to-God, put shark fins over my head with my hands and went in for the kill. Through the mass of people, I somehow scored a bottle of Peroni, but my actions are really something I need to reevaluate in the way of maybe I have no friends because I’m weird as shit.

I ended up calling it a night as Jesse was starting to DJ and after drunk dialing my girl, Taylor (LADIES, it is MUCH safer to drunk dial a best friend than a dude. I have learned this the hard way multiple times), I tucked myself into bed.

Happy birthday, Jonny! And many more!

FOREVER YOUNG

Posted in Uncategorized on December 22, 2009 by djsinatra

As I drink my coffee and pop an adderall….yeah I’m nuts! Tryin to get stuff done before Christmas and I’m stressing because I always wait for the last minute. I peeped that Jay-Z has a video for ‘Forever Young” but it hasn’t been released in the U.S. I found it and also wanted to post the original video by Alphaville. It was first a really popular song in the 80’s but made famous to most of you in the movie Napoleon Dynamite. When I worked in Tokyo in 2007 I would end the night with that song. Do I wanna stay forever young??? Fuck Yeah! I think we all do..Anyway enjoy the video because I did. Jay-Z kept it really universal and peep all the different cultures in the video. GG$

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