Jonny Lennon’s Funday Birthday

Last night, the GoldBar crowd had some celebrating to do. It was doorman, Jonny Lennon’s, birthday party, and though I didn’t see him passed out in a corner with a dick drawn on his face halfway into the night, I assume he had fun and got sufficiently wasted.

Jonny is one of the best doormen in the business. He is also an overall nice guy. I’ve been to my fair share of clubs in NYC and there are few doormen who show me, an average chick, the kind of courtesy and warmness Jonny shows me weekly. Most doormen let me in while sighing and wishing I was 6 inches taller and 30 pounds lighter. Does wonders for the self esteem. Not so with Mr. Lennon. No matter how busy the rope is on a Sunday night (and usually it is a zoo), Jonny greets me with a kiss on the cheek and sometimes a joke about how wasted I got last time/how wasted I will get this time. Nice to know that everyone thinks I am an alcoholic mess. Pretty accurate assessment, though.

GoldBar isn’t a huge venue, but week after week, Jonny is able to fill it with an eclectic crowd. He knows the regulars, lets in a few suits and models, hipsters and skaters. Douchebags need not apply. Actually, there are a few douchebags that somehow sneak in, though I assume Jonny does this solely for my benefit because babygirl can’t be paying for her own drinks, not in this economy. I bet the terms of said douchebag’s entrance are that he must seek out the brunette with bangs and ceiling eyes and purchase her a cocktail. I’ve swindled many a drink out of a many a douchebag in my time. I make my mom proud.

DJ Sinatra was spinning when I got in and after a bear hug from Jonny, I gave my seasons greetings to Sabrina and complimented her on her hair flair then staked out a spot near Sami on the couch under the disco ball. Good thing, too, because once DJ Cassidy pulled up, the room got ten kinds of packed. He played song after song and I found myself saying more than once “OHHHH!! This is my JAMMM!” Now, I’m sure you all think I’m just a wholesome little girl, but I can tell you that one of my “JAMS” from last night was “Ain’t No Fun” by Snoop Dogg. Yes. This innocent little girl considers a song with the lyrics “You gave me all your pussy/And you even licked my balls”, to be one of her jams. Hope that doesn’t change how you guys “see me”. Like I care.

A cake was brought out for the man of the hour to the Chuck-E-Cheese birthday song as a soundtrack. I’m sure it’s from somewhere cooler, but since I am not, I know it as the Chuck-E-Cheese song. A barback brought out 6 beers after we had long since finished the bottle of vodka, and I honest-to-God, put shark fins over my head with my hands and went in for the kill. Through the mass of people, I somehow scored a bottle of Peroni, but my actions are really something I need to reevaluate in the way of maybe I have no friends because I’m weird as shit.

I ended up calling it a night as Jesse was starting to DJ and after drunk dialing my girl, Taylor (LADIES, it is MUCH safer to drunk dial a best friend than a dude. I have learned this the hard way multiple times), I tucked myself into bed.

Happy birthday, Jonny! And many more!

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