Funday ft. Marshall Barnes & DJ Spider

Despite the rain, GoldBar was jumping, and early, last night. I came through in a sweatshirt, and that was probably the smartest, most comfortable outfit choice I’ve ever made. I might have to do that more often.

I stayed in the booth the whole time and reintroduced myself to DJ Spider, who I met last week when I was in LA at this gully ass club off Melrose that was home to one of the illest parties I’ve been to. He remembered me as the girl who “worships” Rihanna, to which I’d like to extend a large middle finger to DJ Morse Code for being the one to tell him that, making me sound like a teenybopper. (For the record, I don’t “worship” her, I respect her a lot as an artist, style icon, and I would like to mentor her and steer her away from Chris Brown types in the future. I think I would be a great influence on her. RiRi, call me!) We actually got to talk a bit and I had enormous respect for DJ Spider when he didn’t walk away after I told him my voice was hoarse because I sucked “mad cock”. I actually lost my voice at Coachella and it’s just starting to come back so I’m not only entirely uncouth, I’m a liar. Anyway, I really should work on developing a filter. I’m 23 years old, it’s completely inappropriate to be telling strangers that my voice sounds the way it does because I’ve been performing fellatio at high rates. I’ve literally cleared out rooms for obnoxiously demanding in a drunken state that we all get tramp stamp tattoos of the Monopoly man, so it was pretty surprising to see DJ Spider stick around and laugh it off.

Marshall Barnes took to the wheels and started off early in his set with “Rude Boy” which only proved to be a good indicator of things to come. As I got more and more intoxicated (shout to DJ Sinatra for the BRAND NEW GLASS OF PATRON HE DONATED TO ME), the music got better and better and eventually my hands went UP…….

………….and they stayed there.

I actually left a few minutes after Spider got on because literally everyone in the booth was ferociously making out with someone like we were in high school and our parents were out of town and we had access to the liquor cabinet and we filled up the vodka bottles with water like we thought they wouldn’t notice. I mean I was feeling mad uncomfortable and horny, but I’m not one for PDA of that degree (ass groping and sitting on a dude’s lap degree), so I navigated my way out of the booth, took mental pictures for my spank bank, and now I think I know what certain people look like when they’re “doing it” which is hilarious to me.

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